"You've given me a safe space to truly be myself and in the process, discover who I am." - Rosalie, Grad (8 years in program)
The tween, teen and young adult years are key developmental phases in a young person's life. Each of these stages inherently involves a balancing act between individuation and belonging to a family - and ever more importantly, a peer group. This sometimes not-so-graceful phase (for teens and parents alike) has the potential to establish patterns in the individual as well as family system, to last a lifetime. Our program offers youth and parents an invitation into the deeper layers of the journey, because we are all longing for freedom and connection. We offer these anchors throughout our time together:
The tween, teen and young adult years are key developmental phases in a young person's life. Each of these stages inherently involves a balancing act between individuation and belonging to a family - and ever more importantly, a peer group. This sometimes not-so-graceful phase (for teens and parents alike) has the potential to establish patterns in the individual as well as family system, to last a lifetime. Our program offers youth and parents an invitation into the deeper layers of the journey, because we are all longing for freedom and connection. We offer these anchors throughout our time together:
INNER NATURE
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NATURAL WORLD
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NATURE OF LIFE
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THE HEART OF THE WORK
Real connection comes when someone finally meets us in the very place we stand. When we stop trying to change someone, and offer instead our unwavering presence available to experience them in their truth, the person feels seen and accepted. Being witnessed in the fullness of our humanity in this way helps us learn to engage in authentic connection for meaningful relationships and real world change.
At some point we have to decide to turn inward - this is the threshold of our work. By meeting girls* closely in this moment, we offer permission to feel a fuller, more honest version of themselves. This invitation to exploration before judgment, listening, truth-telling - strengthens the muscle of genuine engagement, confidence and compassion we so deeply want for our young people. We are allies to each other doing the work to free ourselves, stoking the fire of transformation together.
We as facilitators hold a lantern of awareness that guides young people home to themselves, as they discover their unique relationship to the nature of life. As guides, we have the tools and the courage to ask the questions we don't normally ask and allow the answers to emerge, and capacity to trust that emergence. As we begin to know our own story, carry each other's stories, and the stories of place, we mature our understanding of the gifts inside of us and our responsibility to the gifts we've been given.
Real connection comes when someone finally meets us in the very place we stand. When we stop trying to change someone, and offer instead our unwavering presence available to experience them in their truth, the person feels seen and accepted. Being witnessed in the fullness of our humanity in this way helps us learn to engage in authentic connection for meaningful relationships and real world change.
At some point we have to decide to turn inward - this is the threshold of our work. By meeting girls* closely in this moment, we offer permission to feel a fuller, more honest version of themselves. This invitation to exploration before judgment, listening, truth-telling - strengthens the muscle of genuine engagement, confidence and compassion we so deeply want for our young people. We are allies to each other doing the work to free ourselves, stoking the fire of transformation together.
We as facilitators hold a lantern of awareness that guides young people home to themselves, as they discover their unique relationship to the nature of life. As guides, we have the tools and the courage to ask the questions we don't normally ask and allow the answers to emerge, and capacity to trust that emergence. As we begin to know our own story, carry each other's stories, and the stories of place, we mature our understanding of the gifts inside of us and our responsibility to the gifts we've been given.
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"A wise elder once shared a story with me about a caterpillar, who in chrysalis must beat its wings against the walls of the cocoon in order to gain the strength to break the walls and emerge transformed into a butterfly. I never forgot this powerful metaphor for the teen and (for me at least) young adult years. Perhaps it is my privilege to tenderly care for the cocoon of the family, while holding a vision for the butterfly all along." - Emily
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WHAT IS OUR APPROACH?
Good facilitation leaves the power in the hands of the person who walked in the door. We hold a caring but authoritative role as mentors. Our job is to bear witness to their process. Attuned leadership lays the foundation of trust, safety and mutual respect needed for true friendship, growth and healing. They learn how to hold space for each other - to find what they long for, what they stand for, and believe themselves worthy of - a skill that eventually leads to holding that same space for themselves.
We take a rites of passage** approach in that we believe every age and life stage holds important gifts and wounds that we grow into, or grow us up, through direct experience. No one can walk our path for us, but we also can't do it alone. Bearing witness to each other, within a well held supportive peer community, the girls' natural wisdom arises to transmute and heal stuck energies, painful stories, and unhealthy patterns.
We welcome whatever arises in the space. Using our diverse training in combination with personal life experiences (see BIO's) we create a program that offers enough structure to provide a compass, and enough flexibility to get teen's buy in. This allows us sacred entry into the often closed door of the teen's world, and ability to do good work from within. We become a mentor, a guide, a friend, an auntie, a sister... a witness to the girls' honest, messy, gorgeous unfolding.
Good facilitation leaves the power in the hands of the person who walked in the door. We hold a caring but authoritative role as mentors. Our job is to bear witness to their process. Attuned leadership lays the foundation of trust, safety and mutual respect needed for true friendship, growth and healing. They learn how to hold space for each other - to find what they long for, what they stand for, and believe themselves worthy of - a skill that eventually leads to holding that same space for themselves.
We take a rites of passage** approach in that we believe every age and life stage holds important gifts and wounds that we grow into, or grow us up, through direct experience. No one can walk our path for us, but we also can't do it alone. Bearing witness to each other, within a well held supportive peer community, the girls' natural wisdom arises to transmute and heal stuck energies, painful stories, and unhealthy patterns.
We welcome whatever arises in the space. Using our diverse training in combination with personal life experiences (see BIO's) we create a program that offers enough structure to provide a compass, and enough flexibility to get teen's buy in. This allows us sacred entry into the often closed door of the teen's world, and ability to do good work from within. We become a mentor, a guide, a friend, an auntie, a sister... a witness to the girls' honest, messy, gorgeous unfolding.
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"You are revealing—and handing—to your teens a previously invisible framework within which they can understand themselves and navigate their world with as much personal agency as possible." - Diana Divecha, PhD, Advisory Council |
HOW DO WE DO IT?
Authenticity creates safety. We begin by uniting in the discomfort of vulnerability, which leads us into our shared humanity. Our work combines a heartfelt facilitation of the group process, in combination with skill building and leadership development. In addition to cognitively learned skills (active listening, mutual respect, identifying personal values...) we recognize the significance of the way in which we use what we have learned. These "Metaskills" are the feeling qualities or attitudes that bring learned skills to life and make them useful. When teens creatively discover this authentic, present community repeatedly, it becomes embodied. The “skills” we so deeply want teens to walk away with are much more likely to integrate, and positively impact social and family systems.
Any space like this should illuminate the power of the individual and the collective. In practice, we as facilitators actively listen to the presenting issues, watching for signals and helping complete ideas–if needed. We identify and draw out core themes the whole group can relate to. We play out scenarios and role switching, learning from each other and drawing out our deepest self. This occurs through informal talking circles, more formal Way of Council circles, games, projects and engaging activities. We spend time in the larger group as well as smaller group and paired share activities, and we mix up the pace of conversation and format to meet different learning styles.
We aim to create space for the emerging and diverse identities of individuals in the group as well as the culture of the group itself. This includes a detailed plan for the time we have together (see Curriculum) as well as the skill sets and attitudes needed to know when to shift and follow their lead. The essence of the issues brought to the group reveal a common story. We as leaders are always balancing spaciousness to share from their own experiences, with drawing out the wisdom within for the benefit of others. In this process, teens often discover a sense of worth and even leadership, based on their own, unique lived experience.
Authenticity creates safety. We begin by uniting in the discomfort of vulnerability, which leads us into our shared humanity. Our work combines a heartfelt facilitation of the group process, in combination with skill building and leadership development. In addition to cognitively learned skills (active listening, mutual respect, identifying personal values...) we recognize the significance of the way in which we use what we have learned. These "Metaskills" are the feeling qualities or attitudes that bring learned skills to life and make them useful. When teens creatively discover this authentic, present community repeatedly, it becomes embodied. The “skills” we so deeply want teens to walk away with are much more likely to integrate, and positively impact social and family systems.
Any space like this should illuminate the power of the individual and the collective. In practice, we as facilitators actively listen to the presenting issues, watching for signals and helping complete ideas–if needed. We identify and draw out core themes the whole group can relate to. We play out scenarios and role switching, learning from each other and drawing out our deepest self. This occurs through informal talking circles, more formal Way of Council circles, games, projects and engaging activities. We spend time in the larger group as well as smaller group and paired share activities, and we mix up the pace of conversation and format to meet different learning styles.
We aim to create space for the emerging and diverse identities of individuals in the group as well as the culture of the group itself. This includes a detailed plan for the time we have together (see Curriculum) as well as the skill sets and attitudes needed to know when to shift and follow their lead. The essence of the issues brought to the group reveal a common story. We as leaders are always balancing spaciousness to share from their own experiences, with drawing out the wisdom within for the benefit of others. In this process, teens often discover a sense of worth and even leadership, based on their own, unique lived experience.
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Mentorship occurs through these channels:
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WHY IS THIS WORTHWHILE?
We have all heard some sort of statistics about the decline in well being among teenagers, worldwide and increasingly in the United States. Rates of stress, depression, anxiety and suicidality continue to rise. The storm of political, racial, ecological and emotional crises we are all experiencing are felt especially hard by young people. Our day to day lives are unraveling amidst systems that are broken, unjust, and unsustainable, with everything seeming to be barely hanging by a thread.
These are extreme times of increasing uncertainty, fear and division - and - we are simply in the shock of not being prepared to meet the nature of life in this way. The truth is that we have always been in the hands of the Mystery. We really have no security and this is, quite simply, very uncomfortable. Many of us simply don't know how to be with this. As teens are exposed to harsh realities, including the darker, shadowy sides of life - what support are we offering them? On the most basic level, what are we living for?
Teens, perhaps more than most, are capable and longing for realness. Of course we want our young people to believe in themselves, have good friends, do well in school, have their basic needs met, "succeed"... But why? How are we scaffolding a deeper understanding of themselves and this world? Are we cultivating the skills needed to meet this moment with love and resilience, tears and celebration? Will they have the capacity to find their calling and courage to walk with it, regardless of the circumstances?
Most of us have not been taught how to be here, real and here, in a world perhaps more revealed than many of us are used to or could even have imagined. Regardless of the conditions, this is the opportunity we are being offered. As storyteller Michael Meade says, “to truly connect to our deep soul center, we must suffer some of the vulnerability, the emotional pain, and the radical uncertainty of the moment.” If this must be so, let us be in it together.
We have all heard some sort of statistics about the decline in well being among teenagers, worldwide and increasingly in the United States. Rates of stress, depression, anxiety and suicidality continue to rise. The storm of political, racial, ecological and emotional crises we are all experiencing are felt especially hard by young people. Our day to day lives are unraveling amidst systems that are broken, unjust, and unsustainable, with everything seeming to be barely hanging by a thread.
These are extreme times of increasing uncertainty, fear and division - and - we are simply in the shock of not being prepared to meet the nature of life in this way. The truth is that we have always been in the hands of the Mystery. We really have no security and this is, quite simply, very uncomfortable. Many of us simply don't know how to be with this. As teens are exposed to harsh realities, including the darker, shadowy sides of life - what support are we offering them? On the most basic level, what are we living for?
Teens, perhaps more than most, are capable and longing for realness. Of course we want our young people to believe in themselves, have good friends, do well in school, have their basic needs met, "succeed"... But why? How are we scaffolding a deeper understanding of themselves and this world? Are we cultivating the skills needed to meet this moment with love and resilience, tears and celebration? Will they have the capacity to find their calling and courage to walk with it, regardless of the circumstances?
Most of us have not been taught how to be here, real and here, in a world perhaps more revealed than many of us are used to or could even have imagined. Regardless of the conditions, this is the opportunity we are being offered. As storyteller Michael Meade says, “to truly connect to our deep soul center, we must suffer some of the vulnerability, the emotional pain, and the radical uncertainty of the moment.” If this must be so, let us be in it together.
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"Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach... One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires, causes proper matters to catch fire. To display the lantern of soul in shadowy times like these - to be fierce and to show mercy toward others, both, are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity. Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it." - Clarissa Pinkola Estes
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WHAT KEEPS US GOING
If we hope and expect young people to bring positive change to the trouble we’re in, both individually and collectively - we have to invest in their future. The natural instincts for imagination, boundary pushing and creative liberation that brand the teen years are not inherently fruitful - they need an anchor.
We have devoted our lives to young people and their families. The girls' resilience and ability to find love and connection amidst adversity keeps us going. The honor of catching their firsts, their struggles, their successes, their heartbreak and their maturing resilience to keep going. To witness them realizing they are worthy and wanted and loved. And in some moments us simply BEING there with them, keeps them going.
Life offers itself to us each day in all possible forms. There is a lot of power in how we relate to what's being offered. As poet David Whyte says, "How we learn to hold what hurts shapes so much of who we are. What we choose to do with our pain defines us more than most things. When we act in ways that reduce harm, we are actively teaching others who we are, how we like to be treated, and what kind of world we want to live in."
Are we willing to understand and learn from the nature of the world, to learn to love it all so we can fully participate? Though the instinct for finding moments of unity and beauty in life runs deep, it takes guidance and inspiration to keep the faith. Together, we help each other keep the faith. Deep bows to all our elders, mentors, teachers and guides.
Stoking the soul fire towards our collective liberation,
Emily & Quetzal
If we hope and expect young people to bring positive change to the trouble we’re in, both individually and collectively - we have to invest in their future. The natural instincts for imagination, boundary pushing and creative liberation that brand the teen years are not inherently fruitful - they need an anchor.
We have devoted our lives to young people and their families. The girls' resilience and ability to find love and connection amidst adversity keeps us going. The honor of catching their firsts, their struggles, their successes, their heartbreak and their maturing resilience to keep going. To witness them realizing they are worthy and wanted and loved. And in some moments us simply BEING there with them, keeps them going.
Life offers itself to us each day in all possible forms. There is a lot of power in how we relate to what's being offered. As poet David Whyte says, "How we learn to hold what hurts shapes so much of who we are. What we choose to do with our pain defines us more than most things. When we act in ways that reduce harm, we are actively teaching others who we are, how we like to be treated, and what kind of world we want to live in."
Are we willing to understand and learn from the nature of the world, to learn to love it all so we can fully participate? Though the instinct for finding moments of unity and beauty in life runs deep, it takes guidance and inspiration to keep the faith. Together, we help each other keep the faith. Deep bows to all our elders, mentors, teachers and guides.
Stoking the soul fire towards our collective liberation,
Emily & Quetzal
*We understand gender identity to be fluid and expressed in many ways. Our programs welcome teens who are assigned female at birth and/or are female identified. Please see our extended gender inclusive policy
**Our use of the term "rites of passage" is from training with elders from various lineages and contemporary rites of passage communities, specifically within the Way of Council lineage we have trained in with the Ojai Foundation.
Butterfly images by artist Erika Harrsch
**Our use of the term "rites of passage" is from training with elders from various lineages and contemporary rites of passage communities, specifically within the Way of Council lineage we have trained in with the Ojai Foundation.
Butterfly images by artist Erika Harrsch
Still have questions? Check out our FAQ page, read some testimonials, or watch a video!
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