Balance

Again we find ourselves on the threshold. Today is the Fall Equinox. Next week is my birthday. Was my grandmothers birthday. Shaye will be 1 soon. Time.

Having spent almost every day this Summer outside (out of joy, seriously needing to get out of the house, or desperately trying to nap my baby by any means necessary🙃) I’m mourning but mostly welcoming the cozying up, the crisp air, the crunching fallen leaves. This new feeling of getting to show my child, “Shaye, this is Fall!” followed by laughter and awe that *everything* is new and exciting to him, from the melodic chimes in the Autumn winds to the random teeny garbage in the grass he always seems to find.

It already feels a world away that this time last year I was holding my big belly, thinking I understood what was to come, that I had any true knowing of the journey ahead. Now Shaye walks ahead of me, practically running, little explorer.

As light gives way to dark, I’m finding myself giving more of myself than I ever knew possible, and giving myself more easily to each day, whatever it holds. The sweetest smiles and cuddles humanly possible, utter head explosions, pure innocence, total exhaustion. The potent presence of love and loss in every moment is my humbling teacher.

Yesterday I rest with Shaye in fuzzy blankets, watching him sleep, making a memory. (A rare gift to myself these busy days) How fleeting and forever some things seem. Grateful for this life and the passages revealing themselves along the way.

Love to all, happy Fall ✨🍂🍁🍂✨

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